not an admissions essay

So I’ve registered to take the GRE, and I’ve been studying for them, which is... soporific, and... exegent? And I hate it; I’ve forgotten how to do long division (Einstein complex?). This is a really nice activity though, for Yemen. It makes a good use of all my solitary hours, and AMIDEAST happened to have three current GRE study books in the library. Scores are good for five years, and I assume that within the next five years I will want to attend grad school.
My interest is to study Conflict Resolution. Which we all knew was coming because a) I’m a squishy hippie and b) if you remember the story, my very birth was an act of peace. My older brother and sister claim that the last time they fought was before I was born, arguing if I were to be a brother or a sister.
At my university most people were overly idealistic bleeding hearts, and I really prided myself on my common-sense agrarian background, on having being rooted in reality and not some utopian dreamscape. One of the things university espoused was that militarism exists as one of the greatest causes of environmental destruction throughout the globe, a fact to which I totally agree. After spending time here, I realize that this axiom means American militarism exactly.
America was birthed out of violence. From the advent of European settlement, practically every step of our history as a nation is hinged upon violence: The slaughtering of the natives; the war for independence (whereas Canada achieved independence comparatively peacefully); the virulent and obscenely racist, classist, heterosexist, etc. prison-industrial complex within our borders; to our imperialist military expansions outside of our borders.
Not just our collective history, but our personal histories also are overflowed with violence. We are inoculated to violence in our so-called children’s television programming like Tom & Jerry. When my students learn that in high school I had a gun and would go hunting, they are totally bewildered, they think I’m part of some fascist militia. The sad thing is that it's partly true, in elementary school I was in the paramilitary organization Cub Scouts of America before my folks got better sense and yanked me out. Our textbooks project this violence onto everywhere else too, like when describing tribal warfare in Afrika; reading a high school history text you would think that wars are the only events in human history. Violence resonates in nearly every aspect of American society, extending especially to our military and its expensive weaponry.
However, the entire concept of military and weaponry between America and the rest of the world are distinctly different. The military here performs a different function, a more practical role as a peacekeeping organization. Here, there are many different political factions (as opposed to the US's blighted bipartisanship), each with their own agenda and often with their own small militia. The state’s military allows the different groups to have there disputes, which are admittedly frequently bloody. However, the military does not step in until the warfare extends to unwilling participants, or the public. It is used to maintain a sense of order, used to preserve the social contract, uphold the theory that government makes everyone’s lives better. The military bests us when we resort to our brutishness. There is even a reverence among the people for the soldiers, an admiration that does not stretch to include government groups or the police, both of which are egregiously corrupt.
What’s strange to me is when the Yemeni people (well, and anybody else really) explain to me and warn me about the dangers within their country. The risk of kidnapping (which I hear is almost always given as a choice) is minute compared to the eighteen people kidnapped every day in Mexico. The threat of random violence or even typical tourist annoyances like being pick-pocketed is extremely minimal compared to Detroit or even Portland. As a foreigner generally and a white American male specifically, I am acutely aware of myself here anyways, but most prominently I recognize my inbred malice. Comparing myself to the ordinary Yemeni, I am Pol Pot. I see red in my worldview and it is more than a little disconcerting.
My current question though, is whether studying Conflict Resolution in America is a good choice. The programs are not very renowned or reputable outside of the states, and rightfully so. They were spawned from within a violent system and can deal only within it. International programs are head and shoulders better than American. Would it be more prudent to study outside of America to get a better education or would it be foolhardy since I’m going to be working within the American framework? I don’t know yet. I still have five years.
Quoting addendum: I couldn't really find a good spot to fit this quote into the text, but I really really like it so here goes: "'Give me liberty.' There really shouldn't be another choice here."